First, Be Curious

Any good mystery begins with curiosity. When something is unclear, it’s not useful to jump to a conclusion without first paying attention to potential clues to unpack the conundrum at hand. A good detective has a process and a practice for finding and collecting those clues. They don’t want to miss even the tiniest thing. Mindfulness is the same process. You are a self-detective consistently engaged in solving the mystery of who you are, day to day, month to month, year to year.

Last week, I offered a journal prompt to a group of high school freshmen during my mindfulness workshop at the Lenox Memorial Middle and High School in Lenox Massachusetts. I participated in their annual wellness fair (the brilliant brain child of the School Adjustment Counselor) offered to 6th and 9th graders to help them manage the transition to a new grade, in a new school. The journal prompt was this:

If you could be absolutely anywhere in the world right now, where would you be?

Where would a 9th grader be on a Friday, mid-morning if they didn’t have to be in school at the mandatory wellness fair in a workshop randomly selected for them? Italy? A Taylor Swift concert? On their phone? After 3 minutes of writing, several kids shared that they would be asleep (which tracks) and one student offered this gem:

I’d be at home in my room. It is totally me — it’s a place I can just be myself and it feels so good to be in it. It just looks like me. I got to decorate it the way I want. I can just be myself there. Just myself. I’d be in my room right now.

What I hear in this stunning answer, and the vibrant way she shared it, is that she would retreat into what you naturally need when you want to reduce stress, manage overwhelm and feel some control during a big transition. Comfort, safety, and soothing nurturance. And often, alone time to access it.

In a 3-minute writing session, she accessed and embodied the feelings she has when in her room just by focusing while she journaled. She experienced the power of mindfulness as a tool to discover a clue about what helps her self-regulate her nervous system. She created a moment of wellbeing through a practice of self-awareness—the journaling. A moment she can recreate. And that’s the whole point of mindfulness. A practice for creating wellbeing.

TRANSITION IS A CHALLENGE FOR GOOD REASON

When I think back to being a 14-15 year old student, launched into the unknown of those first months of high school, it makes my stomach turn. We had just moved from Louisiana to Florida, 2 weeks before school started. My life was new in every possible way and I didn’t know a sole. It was the hardest transition in a childhood filled with moving every two years.

Change is hard because it launches us into the unknown. The unknown signals some level of danger to our ancient human survival system—fight, flight, freeze or please. When the nervous system goes on alert, it draws our focus away from optimal learning, good communication and productive decision making. Why? Because those parts of the brain go offline to allow the survival parts of the brain to fire on all cylinders.

With evidence-based tools like breathing, moving and journaling—and a little time to practice those tools—youth can learn to self-manage their nervous system, soften challenge, stay present, and be primed to engage academically, socially and emotionally.

Mindfulness is not magic. It’s science that requires practice—just a few minutes a day—to help you become a skilled detective when uncovering clues about who you are and what you need at any moment.

One more thought, transitions are not the time to add on, make big decisions, or do more new things. Transitions are when we need to mindfully do a little less, be kinder to ourselves and to create opportunities for comfort, safety, and nurturance. Think about the teen above, who when given the opportunity to imagine being anywhere in the world wanted to be in her own room, alone, enjoying the space to just be herself.

Build a Wellbeing Tool Kit

Lenox Memorial gathered a variety of experts to offer kids access different ways anyone can create wellbeing. They are below. You can choose 3 categories and then write one thing under each that you, and the youth in your life, can commit to as a practice to boost your wellbeing (I have offered some suggestions):

1. Mindfulness: Breathing Moving and Journaling

   1. Use the Breathe Move Journal books first thing in the morning (it takes 5 minutes).

   2. Create your own practice (take 3-5 long, slow breaths before getting out of bed OR journal for 5 minutes by asking yourself What’s happening right now? OR commit to some form of body movement every day, like a short walk.

2. Financial Fitness

   1. Learn something new about growing your money.

   2. Teach kids about budgeting and why it’s important to both spend and save.

   3. Create a new source of extra income (kids can get creative—this summer, a local teen sent around a flyer to offer plant watering while folks were away on vacation). Even if it’s not possible to do yet, write it down and imagine how and when you can make it doable.

3. Safe and Healthy social media / smart phone use

   1. Establish a phone-free zone that works for your family; play board games, question games or other non-screen activities.

   2. Go over safe practices for using a smart phone and computer and when to get help from an adult.

   3. Talk about phone limits, set them and be consistent when maintaining them.

4. Nutrition

   1. Find and try a new recipe. Let kids choose, too.

   2. Allow youth to contribute to the grocery list and/or shop with you (they can learn about saving money, how to read labels and making choices).

5. Art

   1. Stock an accessible art corner with recycled paper, stickers, pens, markers, water colors and any other fun art supplies.

   2. Try paint-by-number as a family or team; have a competition to choose the favorite.

6. Pets

   1. Have kids walk dogs with you or on their own (to learn responsibility and get some movement).

   2. If you can’t have a pet, visiting an animal shelter is thoughtful way to have access to pets and it helps the shelter with giving pets attention (ask about any programs for kids they might have).

7. Reading / Visiting Your Local Library

   1. Explore something new at your local library in addition to books. (Mine has the Herman Melville Room, stocked with his desk and other personal items, books and more; Local libraries often have sections with local history, old maps and so much more.)

   2. Make a weekly habit of going with youth to the library and taking out one new book each week. Keep track of how many books kids read and offer fun rewards (like ice cream sundae night) when a certain number is reached.)

8. Down Time

   1. Are you and/or the youth in your life over-scheduled? Notice where you can create more space for non-phone, down time for everyone.

   2. Create a designated time each week where kids or you choose something fun to do and do it as a family. (Visit a local historic home, take a nature-lover to a plant store, go snow-shoeing, try a new bakery, go to a craft store…)

   3. Lead by example; if you are always running around and filling up every second of your day, you can be a powerful example by showing kids where you are saying no in order to take care of yourself.

Journal Prompt for You (2 minutes)

Where would you be right now if you could be anywhere in the world? How does that make you feel? Can you imagine a way to create that feeling in some small form today?